10 things that helped my postpartum depression

 

My therapist suggested I make a "how to recover from postpartum depression" for myself. When thinking about what has helped me, I thought that what I've learned might help others so I decided to share it here. I'd say that my PPD is currently in "remission". Like many physical diseases, issues with mental illness can come back if you don't take care of yourself. That is why it is so important to find what works for you and CONTINUE doing those things. These are what has helped me personally :)

1. Get professional help

I cannot stress this one enough! Just like if you were physically sick, you would go to the doctor and mental illness is no different. Both talk therapy and medications are extremely helpful in dealing with PPD. Some need just one, some combine them. I found that both were vital to my recovery. Medications can help with any hormone or neurotransmitter imbalances so you can feel better faster and therapy helps you learn skills to deal with daily challenges and readjust thought processes. There is nothing to be afraid of with either of these and you may not need them forever. But if you need them more long-term, there is no shame in that. Those with diabetes need insulin shots or those with hypertension need medications, right? Don't be afraid of doing what you can to stay mentally healthy!

2. Adjust expectations

This is something I am still working on. People will tell you so many different (and sometimes contradictory) things to help "prepare" you for parenthood. So much is trial and error with every child and every parent being different. I had certain expectations about breastfeeding, Eli sleeping in our room, and work that I had to adjust. It's ok to change your mind on things you felt strongly about. PPD affects and changes how you deal with parenthood. But change isn't bad. Even if it doesn't go with what people "normally" do. For example, Adam always gets up at night to help Eli. We found that he could go back to sleep easier and deal with less sleep better than I can. I've had a very difficult time not feeling guilty that I'm not having to be initiated into parenthood this way. But I know that I am a happier, better mom if I can get sleep and Adam is not negatively affected too much.

3. Find your passions

Think of things that make you happy and do them. For me, I tried to find things that helped me be a better mom or helped contribute that made me feel good. Some people are surprised that we cloth diaper but honestly I really enjoy it. Even doing the diaper laundry is extremely satisfying. I have been able to research and join groups to learn more about the laundry science and cloth diapers. One of my favorite sites is www.fluffloveuniversity.com. I know I'm weird ;) I also enjoy funny how to videos for moms. My favorite channel is What's Up Moms on YouTube. Whether it be cooking, sewing, child development, or whatever. Find things you love related to motherhood and learn more.

4. Accomplish at least 3 things a day

Whether it's doing dishes, going to the grocery store, or even just taking a shower, try to do at least 3 things a day. With PPD, sometimes it is extremely hard to do simple things like getting dressed for the day. But don't discount small victories. At the end of the day, I wrote down things I was proud of that I did or anything I did that was hard. It will show you daily that you can do hard things and even small improvement is improvement nonetheless.

5. Get a little exercise

Anyone who knows me would not consider me to be a fitness guru by any means. But getting active even a little bit was very helpful in my recovery. I would try to go on a short walk as often as I could. Most of the time I would do so while using my Baby Ktan carrier. Now I use a woven wrap that I can use for front and back carries Baby wearing is extremely beneficial for those suffering perinatal mood/anxiety disorders and it was extremely beneficial for me to help with bonding. I would take Eli out and show him things and talk with him as I walked. It helped me feel close to him while getting fresh air and moving my body a little.

6. Get a little sleep

Some people assume that sleep deprivation is not negotiable with parenthood. But with PPD, less sleep can actually make you worse. I'm not saying you have to get 8 hours a night or even the much used "nap while the baby naps". If you deal with postpartum anxiety like I did, sleeping even while the baby sleeps can be a huge struggle. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Whether it is a sleep aid from your doctor or having someone come over just in case the baby wakes up. For me, I couldn't nap while alone with Eli sleeping until recently. And at night I take medications and use ear plugs. Do what works for you but put getting a little more sleep as a priority.

7. Find positive mommy friends

It is so helpful to connect to people who are in similar situations. But sometimes it can turn into all complaining and commiserating which won't make you feel better. That's why it is so important to surround yourself with positivity. Yes, life isn't all happiness and sunshine but if you dwell on the things that are going wrong, that is all you'll see. I would get together once a week with some girls in my church congregation for a play group. They would listen and empathize with my struggles but also uplift me and show me how great motherhood can be. I always felt so much better after being with them.

8. Don't avoid hard things

This is especially important if you struggle with Postpartum Anxiety. Early on, I had a very difficult time taking care of Eli whenever I felt anxious or had panic attacks. Sometimes I would even run away to my bedroom to escape. But this only fuels the fear. My therapist suggested I hold Eli and continue take care of him in spite of any panic or anxiety I felt. The first time I had a panic attack with him was SO hard. All I wanted to do was walk away but staying showed me that fear doesn't have to hold me back. Slowly, the anxiety decreased and I am happy to say that I haven't had a panic attack in a couple months.

9. Take breaks

This may seem contrary to what I just said in #8 but its all about balance. Its ok to take breaks to have some time to yourself but that is different than escaping. It could be going and reading your favorite book or watching an episode of your favorite TV show. You could go out with a friend to do something fun or go on a date with your husband. Its not wrong to want time away from your baby. It can help you feel like you're still the same person since PPD can make you feel so different than normal. One thing that helped me was doing something helpful like folding laundry while watching a show and Adam took care of Eli. Also when I knew I struggled with the desire to escape, I would set time limits of how long I could take time to myself. This helped so I didn't take it too far and avoid spending time with Eli.

10. Trust in the Lord

 I struggled with this in the beginning because I felt so resentful. I knew that Heavenly Father had led us to have Eli but I was angry that it was so much harder than I expected. I started feeling better when I accepted that this was another opportunity for growth that He had given me. I also know that as long as we are trying our best, He makes up for what we lack. I know that I'm not a perfect parent but I am so grateful for His strength and assistance. Christ's atonement covers imperfect parenting. I know that if I trust in the Lord that I will be able to be a better mom than I would be on my own.

I hope these things are helpful to someone. If nothing else, this is a record of what helped me so I can look back on it when I need a boost. Everyone will deal with PPD in their own way but don't be ashamed of it. Fearlessly find what helps you be the best parent you can be.