I
cannot stress this one enough! Just like if you were physically sick,
you would go to the doctor and mental illness is no different. Both talk
therapy and medications are extremely helpful in dealing with PPD. Some
need just one, some combine them. I found that both were vital to my
recovery. Medications can help with any hormone or neurotransmitter
imbalances so you can feel better faster and therapy helps you learn
skills to deal with daily challenges and readjust thought processes.
There is nothing to be afraid of with either of these and you may not
need them forever. But if you need them more long-term, there is no
shame in that. Those with diabetes need insulin shots or those with
hypertension need medications, right? Don't be afraid of doing what you
can to stay mentally healthy!
2. Adjust expectations
This is something I
am still working on. People will tell you so many different (and
sometimes contradictory) things to help "prepare" you for parenthood. So
much is trial and error with every child and every parent being
different. I had certain expectations about breastfeeding, Eli sleeping
in our room, and work that I had to adjust. It's ok to change your mind
on things you felt strongly about. PPD affects and changes how you deal
with parenthood. But change isn't bad. Even if it doesn't go with what
people "normally" do. For example, Adam always gets up at night to help
Eli. We found that he could go back to sleep easier and deal with less
sleep better than I can. I've had a very difficult time not feeling
guilty that I'm not having to be initiated into parenthood this way. But
I know that I am a happier, better mom if I can get sleep and Adam is
not negatively affected too much.
3. Find your passions
Think of things
that make you happy and do them. For me, I tried to find things that
helped me be a better mom or helped contribute that made me feel good.
Some people are surprised that we cloth diaper but honestly I really
enjoy it. Even doing the diaper laundry is extremely satisfying. I have
been able to research and join groups to learn more about the laundry
science and cloth diapers. One of my favorite sites is www.fluffloveuniversity.com. I know I'm weird ;) I also enjoy funny how to videos for moms. My favorite channel is What's Up Moms
on YouTube. Whether it be cooking, sewing, child development, or
whatever. Find things you love related to motherhood and learn more.
4. Accomplish at least 3 things a day
Whether it's doing
dishes, going to the grocery store, or even just taking a shower, try to
do at least 3 things a day. With PPD, sometimes it is extremely hard to
do simple things like getting dressed for the day. But don't discount
small victories. At the end of the day, I wrote down things I was proud
of that I did or anything I did that was hard. It will show you daily
that you can do hard things and even small improvement is improvement
nonetheless.
5. Get a little exercise
Anyone who knows me
would not consider me to be a fitness guru by any means. But getting
active even a little bit was very helpful in my recovery. I would try to
go on a short walk as often as I could. Most of the time I would do so
while using my Baby Ktan carrier. Now I use a woven wrap that I can use for front and back carries Baby wearing is extremely beneficial for those suffering perinatal mood/anxiety disorders and it was extremely beneficial
for me to help with bonding. I would take Eli out and show him things
and talk with him as I walked. It helped me feel close to him while
getting fresh air and moving my body a little.
6. Get a little sleep
Some people assume
that sleep deprivation is not negotiable with parenthood. But with PPD,
less sleep can actually make you worse. I'm not saying you have to get 8
hours a night or even the much used "nap while the baby naps". If you
deal with postpartum anxiety like I did, sleeping even while the baby
sleeps can be a huge struggle. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Whether
it is a sleep aid from your doctor or having someone come over just in
case the baby wakes up. For me, I couldn't nap while alone with Eli
sleeping until recently. And at night I take medications and use ear
plugs. Do what works for you but put getting a little more sleep as a
priority.
7. Find positive mommy friends
It is so helpful to
connect to people who are in similar situations. But sometimes it can
turn into all complaining and commiserating which won't make you feel
better. That's why it is so important to surround yourself with
positivity. Yes, life isn't all happiness and sunshine but if you dwell
on the things that are going wrong, that is all you'll see. I would get
together once a week with some girls in my church congregation for a
play group. They would listen and empathize with my struggles but also
uplift me and show me how great motherhood can be. I always felt so much
better after being with them.
8. Don't avoid hard things
This is especially
important if you struggle with Postpartum Anxiety. Early on, I had a
very difficult time taking care of Eli whenever I felt anxious or had
panic attacks. Sometimes I would even run away to my bedroom to escape.
But this only fuels the fear. My therapist suggested I hold Eli and
continue take care of him in spite of any panic or anxiety I felt. The
first time I had a panic attack with him was SO hard. All I wanted to do
was walk away but staying showed me that fear doesn't have to hold me
back. Slowly, the anxiety decreased and I am happy to say that I haven't
had a panic attack in a couple months.
9. Take breaks
This may seem
contrary to what I just said in #8 but its all about balance. Its ok to
take breaks to have some time to yourself but that is different than
escaping. It could be going and reading your favorite book or watching an
episode of your favorite TV show. You could go out with a friend to do
something fun or go on a date with your husband. Its not wrong to
want time away from your baby. It can help you feel like you're still
the same person since PPD can make you feel so different than normal.
One thing that helped me was doing something helpful like folding
laundry while watching a show and Adam took care of Eli. Also when I
knew I struggled with the desire to escape, I would set time limits of
how long I could take time to myself. This helped so I didn't take it
too far and avoid spending time with Eli.
10. Trust in the Lord
I
struggled with this in the beginning because I felt so resentful. I
knew that Heavenly Father had led us to have Eli but I was angry that it
was so much harder than I expected. I started feeling better when I
accepted that this was another opportunity for growth that He had given
me. I also know that as long as we are trying our best, He makes up for
what we lack. I know that I'm not a perfect parent but I am so grateful
for His strength and assistance. Christ's atonement covers imperfect
parenting. I know that if I trust in the Lord that I will be able to be a
better mom than I would be on my own.
I hope
these things are helpful to someone. If nothing else, this is a record
of what helped me so I can look back on it when I need a boost. Everyone
will deal with PPD in their own way but don't be ashamed of it.
Fearlessly find what helps you be the best parent you can be.
