January Update

Here are the big things that happened last month:

Adam: started a new semester! He is taking 10 credits (3 classes), which is a lot of work. 9 credits is usually full-time for graduate students. He is taking a class on assessments, one on product development (lots of programming), and one on project management. He keeps busy with those as well as continuing his job for BYU Online. After talking with his advisor, it looks like he may aim to graduate in December of this year rather than August. This will allow him plenty of time to finish his master's project and do a good job on it.

Ashley: is enjoying being a stay-at-home mom! Our lives are a lot simpler with me being able to take charge of Eli and the house during the day. I know Adam is a lot less stressed which makes me feel better. I'm finding little projects to work on, like making cloth wipes and organizing and labeling all of the digitized home videos that my dad just sent me :) It's been so fun to see me and my sisters when we were little and compare them to how Eli acts. I am loving being able to watch Eli grow and develop daily!

Eli: will be 6 months old in a couple weeks! He is growing so fast! He is a very happy, smiley baby and loves peek-a-boo and sucking on everything. He rolls from back to tummy and tummy to back constantly which is how he gets around mostly haha. He tries to scoot as well but hasn't gotten close to crawling yet. We are working on him learning to sit up on his own which he can do for only about 10 seconds. He is such a joy to us :)

Major Events of January
The only big event this month was our sudden trip to Washington. Sadly, my maternal grandmother passed away on New Year's Eve. We traveled with my sister and her family for the funeral the first week of January. I was very grateful that we could be with my family at this time because this was such an upsetting loss. I was very close to her all my life and I was devastated that I couldn't say goodbye. We knew what was coming towards the end but she deteriorated very quickly in only about 4 months. So much of my family were able to make it to the funeral and many I hadn't seen in awhile. I know that my grandma loved watching our sort of family reunion. Also, my parents got to finally meet Eli! They enjoyed getting to know him and he charmed everyone :) I'll miss my grandma but I am so grateful to know that I will see her again.

My mom's side of the family minus a few

A Letter to Postpartum Depression

First off, you're a monster. You turned my life upside down right when it was supposed to be one of the happiest of times. Because of you, my husband had one of the hardest semesters ever and you put him behind on his thesis. You made him fear for my life. I wanted to appreciate the newborn stage of my son so badly but you robbed me of any joy I might have felt. Sometimes when I see other newborns, I try to remember when Eli was that little and I struggle through the haze. It's like you stole the memories of the first couple months of his life. I look at the few pictures I took then and can barely remember what it was like to hold him and interact with him. You sucked the life out of me during that time making my friends and family watch me turn into a shell of the person I was.

But in the end, I won. You fought hard but I fought harder. Because of you, I'm stronger than ever. When you tried to hurt my relationship with my husband, it didn't work. Instead my love grew exponentially as I watched him get extra special bonding time with our son. You thought you could ruin my relationship with my son, but I am bonded with him in spite of your efforts and I love him more than ever. I also got the opportunity to build strong friendships with so many people who served me in fighting you off. Because of this experience, I am now able to support others as they fight their own battle with you. Before you turned your evil head on me, I still struggled some with anxiety. But in order to build my strength for the battle, I learned more on how I can sustain my mental health so I can feel better than I ever have. I will never let you beat me. In the end, I can thank you for making me a Warrior Mom.

In your face,

Ashley