A Letter to Postpartum Depression

First off, you're a monster. You turned my life upside down right when it was supposed to be one of the happiest of times. Because of you, my husband had one of the hardest semesters ever and you put him behind on his thesis. You made him fear for my life. I wanted to appreciate the newborn stage of my son so badly but you robbed me of any joy I might have felt. Sometimes when I see other newborns, I try to remember when Eli was that little and I struggle through the haze. It's like you stole the memories of the first couple months of his life. I look at the few pictures I took then and can barely remember what it was like to hold him and interact with him. You sucked the life out of me during that time making my friends and family watch me turn into a shell of the person I was.

But in the end, I won. You fought hard but I fought harder. Because of you, I'm stronger than ever. When you tried to hurt my relationship with my husband, it didn't work. Instead my love grew exponentially as I watched him get extra special bonding time with our son. You thought you could ruin my relationship with my son, but I am bonded with him in spite of your efforts and I love him more than ever. I also got the opportunity to build strong friendships with so many people who served me in fighting you off. Because of this experience, I am now able to support others as they fight their own battle with you. Before you turned your evil head on me, I still struggled some with anxiety. But in order to build my strength for the battle, I learned more on how I can sustain my mental health so I can feel better than I ever have. I will never let you beat me. In the end, I can thank you for making me a Warrior Mom.

In your face,

Ashley