My Postpartum With Wesley

Now that it’s three months since I had Wesley, I should finally get around to writing about my postpartum recovery which I was meaning to do!

In the hospital: After giving birth, I was so relieved but also my muscles were super sore. Luckily I had the after baby high for a bit but when that wore off, my body ached. My sweet nurse offered to draw me a bath to help relax the soreness and oh my gosh that was the BEST IDEA EVER! I felt so much better afterwards. One thing about doing it unmedicated was that my recovery was so much easier! I could walk around easily and no spinal headache like I had with Eli. We were even thinking about leaving the hospital earlier than the usual 48 hours but I’m glad we didn’t. It gave Wesley a little bit more time to adjust and I got some more breastfeeding support. So we stayed Saturday night and Sunday night. Monday morning, I woke up to my milk having come in very strongly. With a nipple shield and a hand pump, we were able to at least relieve me a bit. I did have some trouble with anxiety on Saturday and I think that was a bit exacerbated by my milk coming in.

At home: The first week was quite hellish. I have figured out that my body does NOT react well to the abrupt change in hormones after having a baby. I did not know what to expect when I had Eli so I crashed and burned because of it. Luckily, this time I just slipped and fell a bit. I struggled with anxiety and I could almost feel the hormones in my body causing it. It led to me struggling to sleep even when circumstances allowed me to. This also made my anxiety get worse. I went to my OB office and they gave me some medicine to help cope which it did but only after a few days. The anxiety peaked Thursday night when I was up all night long having panic attack after panic attack. It was like my body was on overload and would not calm down. This led to depression starting to creep in along with bad thoughts which scared me but because of Eli, I wasn’t taken off guard. When morning came, we decided to take me to the ER so that I could reset. I talked with a counselor and they gave me some stronger medicine there that would help me sleep right away. I was able to sleep for 6 hours straight while my angel mom, husband, and aunt helped take care of the boys. This reset plus the other medicine starting to work helped me feel better. Also the hormones leveling out probably made the biggest difference. 

Overall, this time was a ton better than with Eli. I was able to catch things earlier, had extra help with Adam off work and my mom staying with us, and I was able to have a better perspective on things. With Eli, it surprised and scared me to feel so out of control which made the depression worse. Plus I didn’t have as much help and Adam wasn’t prepared for it. This time around, I knew that my body was going through major changes so I didn’t expect to feel like myself. Mostly I just needed to find a way to calm my body down so it didn’t react as if the house was on fire. I only needed to take something to help me sleep for a few days until things got better. Even though postpartum is difficult no matter what, I think I can safely say I haven’t had postpartum depression this time! I am so glad because it has allowed for me to bond with Wesley better and establish breastfeeding. Hopefully, I will be able to use these tools to have an even better time with any future babies! Even if my body seems to be allergic to postpartum hormones haha

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Wesley's Birth Story

After a month, it’s probably about time for me to write Wesley’s birth story before I forget haha. So here it is!

I had been having inconsistent contractions for days so it was hard to tell if I was close to labor at all. The night of the 15th, my mom, Adam, and I watched a movie and I was feeling really crampy. Not like contractions but like really bad period cramps. My due date was the next day and I was feeling discouraged that I may go late. So we went to bed. Then at about 4:30 am, I woke up with pretty bad contractions. I realized pretty quickly that they were consistent so I woke up Adam to help me through them and time them. I also had to go to the bathroom a ton xP. One of the times I went, there was bright blood when I wiped almost like starting a period which worried me. We called my doula to let her know what was going on and then labor and delivery to check if we should be worried about the blood. They said not to worry unless it was a ton and that I could just come in when my contractions were about 3 minutes apart. I debated taking a bath to help me cope but my contractions were pretty close together so we decided to just go to the hospital. At this point, I started feeling anxiety about going through labor again. Adam was busy gathering the last of our things so I went upstairs and woke up my mom. She helped me through a few contractions until we were ready to head out.

We got to the hospital about 6 or 6:30 and got settled into our room. My doula Meagan then met us there. They gave me a hep lock (basically a catheter in your vein so they don't have to find one in an emergency but its not connected to anything) and thankfully I didn't need an IV the whole labor. They checked me at 7 and I prepared myself that I wasn’t going to be much but I was at 5 cm! 3 hours and I was already halfway there! For those who don’t know, I was in labor for nearly two days with Eli and I got stuck at 6 cm. Unluckily, I was having back labor again. This worried me but I tried to stay focused on my hypnobirthing. I spent a lot of time either on the birth ball or standing, always leaning on Adam and Meagan giving counter pressure on my back and hips. The nurses and my OB were super supportive of my birth plan and didn’t bother us too much. I did wireless monitoring so I could move around but it kept flipping out of place and then beeping at me which was annoying.

At around 8:50, I started to feel downward pressure and I thought I might be starting to feel pushy but I wasn’t sure. They checked me again and originally I didn’t want them to tell me the result. I said out loud “I’m only at a 5 or 6 aren’t I” again preparing myself for no progress. But I was at a 9! Two hours going from a 5 to a 9 was just the encouragement I needed to believe I could do this. Only problem now was I couldn’t go in the tub anymore :(

So I kept going and worked on breathing Wesley down with each contraction. At this point I did a lot of moaning and standing while leaning on Adam. The contractions were getting more and more intense and I was having more trouble focusing through them. They checked me again at 10:10 and I was mostly 10 cm but I still had a lip of cervix that hadn’t dilated fully due to Wesley being posterior. They offered to break my water to help move things along but I decided against it. So I got to lay on my side with a peanut ball between my legs. This was definitely not as comfortable as being able to move and I was starting to feel out of control. Adam worked hard to keep me calm but I struggled. 

At 11:20, they checked me again and I still had a little bit of cervix left. However this is about the time when my body took control and everything went super fast. I pretty much lost focus completely and started screaming with each contraction. They kept telling me to breathe but I was having a hard time focusing to take a breath so I asked for the oxygen mask to help me. Then my body started pushing without me really trying haha. I could feel him moving so I told them he was coming and at this point, the nurses told me to not push so my doctor could get there. That was pretty much the worst because I couldn’t stop it or hold back so I was just laying on the bed kinda writhing. Meagan came hurrying back from the bathroom when she saw everyone frantically going into our room. My OB barely had time to get a gown on and almost forgot her gloves before she had to catch the baby. I started full on pushing at 11:30 and my water wasn’t broken or bulging. He almost was born en caul (still in the amniotic sack) because the bag was tight around his head but as soon as he started crowning, it broke. Then he was born at 11:34 am.

They placed him in my chest and I got to do a ton of skin to skin. I noticed that his head wasn’t cone shaped and they said that was because he didn’t spend much time in the birth canal since he came so fast. He also had a ton of dark brown hair haha. My OB delayed the cord clamping and even showed me the cord before cutting it just like I wanted. At 11:40, I gave a slight push and delivered the placenta which she also showed me (I think it’s so crazy and cool that my body created an organ to sustain a baby). I only had a small tear enough for one stitch. I mostly just tried to focus on Wesley while they numbed me to stitch it.

I have to say that the hospital (Mountain View in Idaho Falls) and my OB (Dr. Huggins) were AMAZING at following my birth plan. Pretty much everything I wanted they did and never pushed on anything. I had the natural birth that I was wanting and the after birth care that I didn’t get with Eli. They didn’t do any checks or anything until at least an hour after he came out so he just stayed on my chest. He didn’t cry but just was breathing calmly. After his checks (weighing 6 lb 10 oz and measuring at 19 inches), I was super sore so they suggested I take a warm bath which felt amazing! Then they moved me to a postpartum room where we spent a couple days. Here's a post about my recovery.

Overall, I am so glad I got to have a natural unmedicated birth. Was it crazy hard? Yes. Especially the last part where I lost control of my body. Thankfully that was one of the shortest periods. But the recovery was SO much easier than with Eli. No episiotomy, no spinal headache from the epidural, and no trying to shower with a big bandage on my back. Even though a part of it was luck of a smooth circumstance, I am so proud of myself for accomplishing my goal of doing this. And thank goodness the labor was only 7 hours rather than 40!! Thank you Wesley for coming faster than your big brother haha :)

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Eli's Birth Story

Well it turned out that my last post was the last one I would write while pregnant! Our little boy Eli Edmund Lloyd was born last Friday on August 21, 2015. At birth he weighed 7 lbs 10 oz and was 20 inches long. I thought I should write down his birth story while I have it pretty fresh in my mind. It is pretty long but I wanted to keep it for posterity. The short version is that I started labor on the afternoon of the 19th, Eli was posterior so it was long, my water broke at 3 am on Friday, and he was born at 11:42 am. And this is the long version :)

Last Wednesday (Aug 19th), we had my 39 week appointment. Nothing new happened there, just the usual blood pressure, weight check, fundal height check. I had decided that I didn't want to do cervical checks unless I went late because it really doesn't tell me much that I'm at a 1 at 39 weeks. Also, they aren't fun so delaying them as long as possible was appealing. Our midwife ended the appointment saying that they may see me next week or at the hospital next. On our way to drop off Adam at work, we laughed at the thought that I could go into labor any day. There were quite a few people who predicted that I would go early but as I hadn't had consistent surges (contractions) yet, I wasn't convinced. I went to work as usual and around 4 pm I noticed that I had been having surges a lot more often than usual and I decided to time them. They weren't very painful but I continued to practice my hypnobirthing and breathing each time. It turned out they were coming about every 5-6 minutes lasting a minute long. This surprised me because I had never been that consistent before. They continued that way and at 5 I left work to pick up Adam. I called him to let him know what was going on but I was trying not to get my hopes up as every time we timed surges before, they stopped. I also texted my doula, Fiona because I was having some back pain occasionally. She told me that it might mean that he wasn't in a good position. I tried not to worry as I picked up Adam. He drove the rest of the way home because the surges were getting a little more intense. We ordered pizza when we got home and watched TV as I worked through the surges. Eventually I decided to take a bath to help with the surges and pain in my back and Adam read some hypnobirthing scripts. The surges kept staying consistent at 5-6 minutes apart lasting about 1 1/2 long so we started to consider when we should go to the hospital. We debated for a long time but eventually we decided to go just to see what was happening. We went to the hospital and I was only at about 1 1/2 cm but I was 80% effaced so we went home to labor some more. The nurse said that since I was pretty thinned out, it shouldn't take too long.

When we went back home we tried to sleep but the surges kept coming consistently at 5 minutes and getting more intense. Now every surge was paired with horrible pain in my lower back. It worried me a lot so I texted Fiona for help at about 5 am on Thursday. She said it sounded like he might be posterior and that she would come over and we'd try some things to turn him. When she got to our apartment, we tried a few different positions to try to turn him and she helped put counter pressure on my back and hips whenever I had a surge. It was so great to have her there with that extra knowledge and so that Adam could have a break. I would recommend EVERYONE get a doula for labor because we definitely couldn't have done it without her. The back pain wasn't letting up so we decided to go back to the hospital at around 7 am to see if I'd progressed and to double check his position. When we got to the hospital they checked me and I was at a 3. They also did an ultrasound and sure enough, little Eli was looking right at us. So they laid me in very uncomfortable positions as I labored for another hour. The back pain continued but I kept trying to use my hypnobirthing to stay relaxed. After an hour, they checked again and I was at a 6! So they admitted me and I continued to labor. My goal was to give birth naturally so Adam and I had been practicing hypnobirthing relaxation techniques for months. He was a champ at keeping me relaxed and even the nurses were amazed at how well it was working. Around midday my midwife came to check on me. After so much time and effort I was hoping something would have happened. But no. I was still at a 6. I wasn't ready to do anything to help things along so I continued to labor. There were times that Eli's heartbeat wasn't variable enough so they put me on IV fluids and oxygen which helped. At this point my mental game was fading but I kept trying to focus on my relaxation. The surges weren't getting any closer together but they were VERY intense and my back pain was killing me. The midwife was at another hospital so she had one of the nurses check me again around 7 or 8 pm and...still at a 6. After over 24 hours of labor. At this point, I started sobbing because they said that this could go on for days since he wasn't turning. My midwife was going to come to the hospital to talk to me but she got stuck with an emergency c section so she relayed her recommendations over the phone with our nurse. She said that since I wasn't wanting augmentation, it would be best if I went home. This was not what I wanted to hear but the nurse and Fiona and Adam all thought it might help for me to get out of the hospital setting for a bit especially because this could go on indefinitely. I was pretty close to begging for pitocin and an epidural but I decided to go home and let him come when he was ready. So they gave me a shot of morphine and some sleep medicine to hopefully give me some relief. 

We all went home at around 10 pm and I was able to sleep for about an hour and a half before I woke up with more surges and back pain. They were now about 10 minutes apart so I tried to do some of the positions to try and turn him to give me something to do since I was not sleeping. Eventually they stretched out to 20 minutes apart with no change in my back. Now that I was home, I recognized that it was good to not push Eli to come. Since the surges were getting further apart, I decided to go back to bed to try to get some sleep. We went back to bed but I felt like I had to go pee so I got up go to the bathroom and at that point my water broke (around 3 am on Friday). I ran to the bathroom and just stood in the tub as I yelled to Adam to call our doula. I just stood in our tub for a bit shaking as the water kept coming. Eventually we got some towels and wrapped me in an old robe to go back to the hospital. At least now we knew this was for real although I was extremely worried that he had engaged posterior and there would be no chance of turning him. I was also still having loads of back pain. We met Fiona at the hospital and this time I was able to skip triage and go straight back to the same room I was in. There was no need to verify that my water had broken as I was making quite a mess on the floor, including losing my mucus plug. I thought that happened before your water broke but it was kinda simultaneous for me. They checked me again and...I was still at a 6! I was not happy. I had hoped to have a natural birth (not to mention I had been scared to death of getting an epidural) but after 36 hours of labor I decided I would get an epidural. I felt a bit sad but everyone pointed out how amazing it was that I had gotten that far with just hypnobirthing. So the epidural was ordered and we waited for the anesthesiologist to come. He eventually came and Adam used hypnobirthing scripts to get me deeply relaxed for the procedure. With my phobia of needles, I couldn't have gotten the epidural without hypnobirthing but I did it. And I finally got some relief from my back pain! They also checked me again and I had made it to an 8!! I was so happy. Everyone felt that the epidural had allowed me to finally progress. Now I was able to relax better but after awhile I started to feel the surges and back pain again. They had to up the anesthesia a couple times but eventually I was able to have relief again. They checked me again later and I was fully dilated! This was around 10:30-11 am on Friday. The midwife was on her way but the nurses had me start to push to see how it would go. Luckily the epidural was still strong enough that I only felt pressure the whole time of pushing. They found that I was pushing a little too well so they had me stop for awhile to wait for the midwife to come. Eventually she made it and I started pushing again. Finally at 11:42 am, Eli was placed on my stomach. (Side note: he didn't come out posterior so somewhere along the way he had turned.) I started bawling as I touched his face not believing that he was finally here. They cut the cord, cleaned him, checked him, and placed him on my chest for some skin to skin time. They had to give me some pitocin at the end because they thought I might've started to hemorrhage. Also I did tear a little and they had to give me a small episiotomy because I had started to tear the wrong way. But all was well with my little boy in my arms :) We stayed in the hospital until Sunday morning when we got to bring our little bundle home.

I was able to start breastfeeding right away which was wonderful and I continued to breastfeed until Tuesday this week. I realized that it would be best for me physically and emotionally if we switched to formula. I was a little sad to stop because that was something I looked forward to but things have been a lot better since then so I know that this was the right thing for us :) I didn't have too many complications with the epidural except I got a spinal headache. They had to fix it by doing a blood patch (basically another epidural except they put your own blood into your spine instead of anesthesia) which is pretty much the worst thing ever for someone who has a phobia of needles. Even though the experience didn't happen exactly as I had hoped for in my birth preferences, I am ok with it. Unexpected things like him being posterior happen and maybe I can do it all natural next time. I know that things worked out this time in the way they needed to for him to come in his own way.

We are overjoyed to be parents and we are SO grateful for all of the love and support we have felt from our family and friends. Our ward has especially been wonderful in helping us adjust to this new life. Thank you! Well there will be lots more updates from now on! Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with them :)

P.S. If anyone is interested in hypnobirthing, I would HIGHLY recommend it, even if you aren't planning on going natural. Our doula Fiona teaches a wonderful class! Check her out at www.ihypnobirth.com :)